


In The Same Boat

by bigwadofiron



Series: Heart in Thorns [1]
Category: Berserk (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Canon Universe, Comfort, F/M, Friendship, Gen, Hurt, Multi, Recovery, Reunion
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-20
Updated: 2020-01-22
Packaged: 2021-02-27 12:09:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,847
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22326871
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bigwadofiron/pseuds/bigwadofiron
Summary: Elfhelm was attacked and Guts' traveling group managed to escape. Guts had used the Berserker Armor again and was in critical condition. Back on Roderick's Seahorse, Casca makes her way to check on Guts. She is now faced with the consequences of the journey: the sacrifices that had to be made to get her to Elfhelm in the first place.Warnings:1) References to scenes of Rape2) Mention of Blood
Relationships: Casca & Farnese (Berserk), Casca & Guts (Berserk), Casca/Guts (Berserk)
Series: Heart in Thorns [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1607083
Kudos: 22





	1. Encounter

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is a "prediction fic", which means it is an representation of what I think will realistically happen in the manga in the future. The only thing that I left out on purpose here is the Moonlight Boy, who will likely make an appearance next time we see him, presumably to save Guts from the Berserker Armor. This fic was written after ep. 359 released.
> 
> Update 22th Jan: I've decided to turn this into a bigger series, and did big changes to the plot, e.g. adding in the Moonlight boy. Now I'm in the middle of figuring out a possible plot line for Berserk's finale and there is nothing you can stop me! I may re-post the original version separately, because I think it works well as standalone.

She remembers.

Casca doesn't know why they were attacked. A fierce horde of monsters, closing in to them.

It happened all so fast. 

The panic that ensued, the spells to desperately protect Elfhelm. The mermaids securing their escape route.

She will never forget Guts. That face of his, devoured by a canine helmet. That bestial fierceness that just plowed right through the hordes of weird creatures she never imagined in her worst nightmares.

How could this man, transformed by this strange armor he was wearing, hold up an army of monsters all by himself?

She was absolutely terrified of him. All she could do was to cling to Farnese and watch in terror. 

However, when everything was over and they managed to escape the enemy, she also remembers the paralysis, the emergency, once the helmet snapped back and just... disappeared. He was covered in his own blood. She remembers how he collapsed. How everyone in the group rushed towards him to treat him. Was this the grim reality, the cost of getting her sanity back?

Her mind is running wild with questions, so so many questions.

And this is exactly why she is here.

The ship is slowly bobbing to the rhythm of the waves. Hesitantly, she is walking down the corridor, approaching the wooden door. It was Guts' quarters. Schierke, Farnese and the Elves were in there. 

Casca's arm reaches out to the door. She is hesitating, terrified... worried. Anxious. Eventually, she knocks. From the inside she hears voices.

"Someone's knocking?"

"It must be Miss Casca. Can you check please while I prepare this ointment?"

Footsteps.

The door opens slowly. It was Farnese. She does not open the door fully, knowing that Casca probably have another attack seeing the black haired swordsman inside. 

"Casca?" 

Casca looks at her very concerned. "How is he doing?"

Farnese is at a loss of words, looks at Casca, then turns around to Schierke. They exchange looks. Farnese sighs.

"He's still unconscious. It... it never has been as bad as this after a battle."

"Is he going to be okay? Is he going to wake up?" Casca is upset and steps closer to the door, holding her hand close to her heart.

Farnese closes her eyes and sighs. Slowly, she steps outside the door and carefully closes it behind her. "Usually, " she says, "he will recover after using the armor."  
She slowly turns around to Casca.  
"The fact he is still unconscious is rather unusual. Me and Master are very worried."  
Farnese notices how Casca's face shows more and more anguish. "We're giving our all to bring him back. I'm sorry I can't tell you better news", she adds, tilts her head to the side and carefully places her palm on Casca's shoulder as gesture of support.

Casca is shaking. She is holding her face in one hand, slowly stroking her cheek as her hand moves downward across her face. 

Slowly. Casca sits down and crouches next to the door.

"Farnese", she begins to speak as she looks out of the window, watching the ocean stretch seemingly infinitely into the horizon, "can you tell me, is this what happened all this time, just to get me to Elfhelm?"

Farnese stands by for what feels like a whole a minute, before she mutters: "Yes."

A deep sigh is heard.

"I'm going to wait here. I will wait until he wakes up."


	2. Son

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As Casca waits for Guts to wake up from his coma, she recalls seeing the Moonlight Boy. Slowly, she is piecing everything together.

As Casca crouches on the floor waiting for Guts to wake up, she recalls the moment they were attacked.

* * *

On Roderick's order, everyone boarded the ship to escape. His crewmen needed time to prepare for the departure.

Guts and Schierke were trying to buy some time and distract the horde of monsters. 

The moment Casca boarded the ship, she felt this strange presence around it. A strange, overwhelming feeling of familiarity. She looked around. And there he was.

"You..." Casca said in surprise, her eyes widening. She could actually feel his presence ever since the mayhem started. The young boy, completely naked, looked at her with his big brown eyes. His expression was empty. She slowly walked over to him. 

She could feel the brand on her chest reacting to the boy. It is a feeling she knew and was very familiar to her, but she did not know from where. Kneeling down, she placed both of her hands on the boy's tiny little shoulders.

Suddenly, a sharp pain ran through her chest.

* * *

Now Casca does not know what happened, nor what the boy did to her.  


Was this real? She still can't tell. 

In either case, from what the others told her, this is what happened while she was out:

A group of Roderick's men were carrying Guts, who laid unconscious, back to the ship. Apparently, the mermaids again, had helped them getting him over the sea. Farnese and Schierke were with Guts, starting with his treatment, Puck and Ivalera were both on elf dust duty. As they were bringing Guts onto the ship, Farnese noticed someone kneeling on the wooden ground, right before the entrance of the crew's quarters.

Wait a minute... that's Casca!

Casca was kneeling on the floor, holding her head, breathing heavily, a young boy with long, black hair kneeled right next to her.  
"Casca! Casca! Are you alright?" When Farnese arrived at the scene, she asked the boy: "What happened?". The young boy just pointed to Casca. Farnese kneeled down to her, softly grabbing her around her arm.

"I'm... I'm okay", Casca's voice sounded.

"I just... remembered. I remembered this boy."

"Really?", Farnese says, her eyes widening in surprise, and looks at him.

Casca wipes away the sweat from her forehead. She begins to speak: "Farnese, do you remember what Skull Knight said to us on Elfhelm..."

"'The key to relieve the heart from its thorns is the boy in the moonlight'...?"

Casca clasps her hands together and rests them on her legs.

"Yes, that." 

She closes her eyes and her expression makes a shift. Suddenly, she looks content and happy. She lets out a short-breathed sigh. "This boy here", she speaks softly and opens her eyes, looking at Farnese from the side, "He is my son."

Farnese looks shook.

"WHAT?"

* * *

What happened to their son? Why did he disappear right after the attack? Why isn't he here right now so she can hold him and take care of him? She does not know for sure.

She is sitting next to the door, crouching. Her arms are crossed, resting on her knees.

Does Guts know...? Casca does wonder.

They have a son together. Their own flesh and blood. Will he wake up so she could tell him? Should she even tell him? Would he still try to kill him...?

Yes, she did remember that part, too. Touching the boy back on the ship made her remember: the baby that was licking the blood off her brand, like a twisted toddler feeding off the breast of its mother. The brand felt the same way like when she touched the boy, except that it did not hurt. She remembers Guts grabbing the tiny baby with his hand, raised him into the air before he disappeared with the break of dawn. She is getting extremely angry. How dare he harms her baby! She is going to protect him at all costs, even if it is from Guts. If he dares to harm her baby, he's dead to her.

But...why was the baby looking so small and deformed...? What happened to him to assume the form he has now...? And what came over Guts to even think of harming him? Guts, who took Isidro into his care? It doesn't make any sense to her at all. Will she even be able to ask him? Will Guts stay alive so they can resolve this? Will he die before they can resolve it, will she forever be in doubt...? 

Will things ever be the same again?

There are more question than answers. Each question leads to even more questions. She senses the truth is hidden inside of her memories. At the same time, she feels it must be deeply upsetting. Those are the things she locked away, away from her consciousness. "I'm a mess...", she mutters to herself and buries her face into her arms. Anger, sadness, anxiety, confusion. She does not know what to feel.


	3. Touch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Guts finally wakes up and gets to interact with Casca, who tells him about her memories regarding Judeau. She begs him not to die for her sake. Her words stick with him.

The rattling of chains. Becoming louder and louder. Coming closer and closer. A sense of free-falling, sinking deeper and deeper into the abyss...

And then, nothing.

He wakes up. His heart is racing. A bad dream, again? Quickly he sits up. But then the pain returns to his consciousness.

"Ow ow ow..."

He holds his side in pain, slowly falls back into his bed. Then looks around. 

He's alone in his quarters. Outside the window, he can tell it appears to be night. He relaxes — well, at least, as much as his pain allows him to relax. He lets out a short sigh. How long has he been unconscious...?

Suddenly, he is making out a weird noise. It's coming from the corridor. The door to his quarters is left open, as if someone peeked in.  
A whimpering? Crying? He can't tell for sure. He's listening closely.

"This must be..."

He is in no position to be walking around, but decides to get up regardless. He grabs the crutch next to his bed, groaning in pain as he is raising. Slowly, he is limping his way to the door. Each step hurts deep in his torso. He does not know for how long he was unconscious, but he still feels like he's been just ripped apart.

He stops right before the door. Then slumps down next to it. He lets out a sound of pain. Did I just break another rib...? He's breathing heavily to compensate for the pain he's in.

Suddenly, the crying from the corridor stops.

"Guts...?" 

Casca's voice sounds from the corridor. Her voice was shaking. He could tell that she must have been crying for quite a while.

"You... you're awake..."

Her voice is becoming more cheerful. Casca, who was crouching before, sits up, with her torso leaning against the door frame. She holds her one hand close to her face, and with the other, she grasps around the door frame. She can hear him breathe heavily. Is he okay...?

Guts does not dare to move outside to the corridor. Instead, he places his forearm on the doorway, so that Casca would see it. His palm was open, inviting her.  
Casca sees it. His arm was covered in bandages. You could still see the blood soaking through in some areas. She is slowly reaching out, hesitantly touching his palm with her index finger first, before she eventually rests her hand on his.  
Only then he is taking hold of her hand, his grasp very loose and careful. He begins to stroke the back of her hand with his thumb gently.

It is like being stroked by sandpaper. His hands were so rough, covered in thick layers of skin. His nails are torn. The price to pay for swinging his sword and fighting for so long. She knew he has rough hands, but it's like they have become even rougher.

But still. When was he this gentle, ever? When did he change this much? Why is she so scared of him? This man, who she was so, so terrified of earlier, is now is so fragile and weak — and soft. Here he is risking everything for her to protect her and the others, fighting an horde of monsters almost all by himself. She has so many things to tell him, so many questions, and can't even talk to him without hell breaking loose. She can't even see him. Damn, she can't even take care of him. 

Casca is tearing up at the thought. 

Guts takes note of her crying. He squeezes her hand softly. That's not what he wanted to do, at all.

A gentle "shhh" is coming from the quarters. Guts does not dare speaking after he made her flashback worse last time.

"I had no idea", Casca says as she weeps, "If this is what happened every time, every night just to get me here... I am sorry."  
"I was trapped in this weird dream while you were out fighting for me. While I was oblivious to what happened around me. I did not understand."  
Casca sniffs and her voice was slowly drowning in tears.  
"I had no idea."

A sigh could be heard from the other side. Oh, how Guts wishes he could just hold her and comfort her.

But it is just the same for her. 

They both are the same.

  


* * *

  


They were still holding hands as a moment of silence fell over the two. Then, Casca invokes a conversation.

"Guts?"

"In Elfhelm... I remembered. I remembered what happened... to Judeau..."

Casca gulps as she speaks out his name. She is trying to keep her composure, but she cannot help herself and bursts into terrible, terrible sobbing.

"I-It... was s-so horrible..."

That's right. Guts has not actually seen how the Hawks were slaughtered. He only saw the aftermath.  
The disturbing images of the Eclipse are flashing in his mind: the sea of blood, armor and body parts of his comrades in shreds... and then he remembers what happened to Gaston and Pippin... His eyes are closed, his expression is anguish. This isn't something he wanted to remember, either. The aftermath was already bad enough. But Casca... she witnessed it. It sounds like she was right in front of it. He looks down in shame as he listens to Casca weep.

Eventually she sniffs and wipes her own tears away. She is leaning her forehead against the wall. Behind it, Guts was leaning against it.

"Please... Don't die on me... please...", she says, as the strength in her voice is fading out slowly. She tightly holds onto Guts' hand because this is all she can do. He, too, closes his palm. His grip was firm, but still gentle.

Guts is taking her words to heart, but he does not know how. At this point, he is still experiencing side effects of the Berserker Armor. He was naive for thinking that after getting Casca to Elfhelm, there were no battles left to fight anymore. Obviously, he can't realistically just stop fighting because the world has changed so much. Evil spirits and astral creatures are everywhere now. He would have preferred her to stay in Elfhelm so he can perhaps focus on Griffith... but Casca is still too fragile to fight alone, let alone fight this many enemies. With Elfhelm being invaded now, he cannot and will not leave her behind. Not in the condition she is in...

He has no other choice other than to keep on fighting for her as the Berserker. His humanity is at risk. Eventually he will become an empty shell that kills. He remembers Skull Knight's warning on the beach. "Voice... Warmth... Light... You will come to lose many things. " If Guts loses these, he might as well be dead.

Guts is shaking his head.

No... he is not going to let that happen. For her sake. No matter the cost. He will conquer the beast. He will stay human. He will never let the armor take away what makes him human.

He really just wants to be with Casca now, even if there is a wall separating them. At least she is here, at least she understands now. Damn, she's even approaching him. She obviously still cares. If he can perhaps sit this through together with her, so she stops screaming seeing him at the very least, that would be amazing. To be able to interact with her, to talk to her, and perhaps one day, maybe, hold her, is all he ever wanted. 

Suddenly, melancholy comes over Guts. He's sure she doesn't do that out of nowhere. There surely must be a reason why she is so deeply scared of him. Maybe he should have started relying on others much earlier. He still remembers in their early days of traveling, how he went after Casca after she had ran away, and found her naked with three dead men next to her. He remembers that she was charging at him, and how he just... Maybe he has become a monster, too. It frustrates him so much thinking about it. All of that happened because he wielded a sword so heavy he couldn't carry it alone. He was an idiot. Maybe he deserves this.

But what kind of life is this, being always on the run? Could there be a place for them so they can finally settle? With Schierke's magic, that might be possible for them. After all, her sigils and necklace do keep evil spirits at bay. But for this to be a possibility, they need to find a place that is safe from the rest of the astral creatures, too. And they will find it. He's going to make sure of it. 


End file.
